Merry Christmas! Or Boxing Day, If You Prefer...

I know I said I wouldn't blog from home, but this was getting ridiculous, and there's nothing that can't really be read, here, anyways.

Apparently, my aunt reads my blog. O.o...

We are playing Super Scrabble and it is 1:37 and we are all tired, but we are nearly done. I am winning by at least fifty, possibly even seventy-five points because I keep taking the triple-word scores with letters like Z (10 points), J (8 points), or X (8 points). Got a quadruple-word score with MATTE. Mm...nice. But I feel guilty. Ha ha.

Oh. Yeah. Merry Christmas to everyone. :)

Got a new mp3 player. Yay! Now I can listen to music.

I have a headache, and I think (it's mild) it's due partially to listening to music through earbuds (techno-ish music, mind you) and due partly to it being 1:40 in the morning. :)

Am waiting my turn.

I am so winning. I could be winning by more except for that whole guilty factor.

Watched "Cars" again, this time the English version. Much preferred to the Cantonese-dubbed version watched in Hong Kong. Because I'm not actually fluent in two languages; I can't read or write or even properly speak Chinese, so English is technically my first and only language. Not mother tongue, but first language.

I am tired...

The bag of two hundred tiles is empty. Thank goodness. But my brother is unable to calculate the scores properly.

"7 Years and 50 Days" off a DDR file.

Seven years and fifty days
The time is passing by
Nothing in this world could be
As nice as you and I
And how could we break up like this
And how could we be wrong
So many years, so many days
And I still sing my song

Now I run to you like I always do
When I close my eyes I think of you
Such a lonely girl
Such a lonely world
When I close my eyes I dream

Now I run to you like I always do
When I close my eyes I think of you
Such a lonely girl
Such a lonely world
When I close my eyes I dream of you

Hm. This could be somewhat relevant.

I am having far too much luck on Scrabble. My mother spelled ZIG and got 13 points...I branched off her Z and spelled ZIG and got twice as many as she did.

Monkey

Necklaces, rings, earrings, and hair are all things I fiddle with sometimes when I have nothing better to do in class. The two little braids on the left side of my head serve such purpose. And I am so festive! The wire securing the braids are red and green. Very nice, but subtle enough that they aren’t easily seen. (That, or my hair is just too freaking thick.)

I’m all weird and nervous about the Christmas banquet. :) It’s this Friday! How time flies…

I’ve stared at the word “necklace” long enough to think it looks like it’s spelt wrong again. Look at a word repeated enough times or write it repeatedly and it’ll look like it’s spelt wrong or something. It’s supposed to be spelt right, but it just doesn’t look right…at least, that’s what I get.

monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey

It looks weird, now.

Ugh...leadership has to go help set up for ze Christmas banquet from 5:30 to 12 AM. What fun. So they're condoning staying up to midnight. And past. On the night before the Christmas banquet.

Lindsay wants to know why I typed monkey over and over again. I shall post this now so she can read it.

I'm Back...For A Little While

Wow…it feels like I haven’t blogged in forever? Hm.

Ooh…Thursday, my youth group got together to pack and decorate cookies for a World Vision fundraiser, and we got together at church on Sunday to sell them. We raised around $700 or so…not bad. Karla said she’d listed the goal as $1000 but knew she had been overambitious, and had actually expected about $500…but we went above that. Very nice. :)

A couple of us went up on the stage to announce the cookie sale…I didn’t say anything, but went up as a sort of support. Today Mrs. Peters said she saw me…and Luke saw me (he was actually on the cameras…or one of them), and apparently my dad missed me…I saw Kiersten up on the stage as one of the camel-thing puppets that they did part of the announcements with.

I should go out and buy a box of candy canes and come back and hand them out to you guys. Hee hee. I suddenly have a visual of Kiwi taking two candy canes and holding them to her head as if they were antlers. And now that I’ve thought of it, I think, it’s actually very like her…*laugh*. How have candy-gram sales been, Linds?

Oh, and thanks for filling out my planning sheet thing for me…wow…your results were a whole lot different than mine.

Hm, my wrist hurts. Could be due to overly excessive typing…or not…*shrugs* I know my back does hurt due to this position.

I have been listening to nothing but techno and the such this past week. Wait, wait – that’s not true, actually. I listened to a deal of Linkin Park last night or Sunday night or something like that…I forget. Ah, well.

My leg has gone numb…

It was actually really nice outside today. I mean, it was windy and all, but it wasn’t cold or anything, and the wind was nice. The sky was actually blue, I think…very nice. Just so there are no power outages resulting in no school.

Diagnostics

Wednesday night:

Wow…I honestly feel like there’s something wrong with me these few days. I’m not actually looking for pity or anything…no one likes too much pity…though thank you for all your concerns…it’s nice to know you’re cared about…(though I still don’t love you, Kiwi! Hee hee.) But this is just me voicing my thoughts out and trying to see if I can pinpoint the problem.

No more stupid crying feelings, thank goodness. Some…things…alleviated that. Thirty hair elastics, some hairpins, a balloon, along with a few other miscellaneous items…*chuckle*

But the curious thing is that today at lunch, I was sort of hungry, but I had absolutely no appetite and so I didn’t eat my lunch at all. Suppertime was something of the same, though I wasn’t hungry at all…and I ate about half of a (tough) steak and two spoonfuls of vegetables before I was like, this is ridiculous; I’m not at all hungry. I was let off and now I’m procrastinating again. I almost can’t help it…I know there’s actually a lot of things needing to be done, some of which if I put off will only pile up later in an overwhelming wave…but, yes.

Kiwi with her hair up is quite the rare occurrence, and ditto with Elmo except with her hair down.

Any of you four of the five elements (where on EARTH is Letter Tag? I wasn’t listening at lunch) like/can bear techno? Yes…this is random, as I tend to be.

My stupid stupid Socials speech. It’s written so ridiculously formal and with such vocabulary that half of the class will have no clue what I’m saying, and the other half will be, “Why on earth are you speaking like this?” with a potential muttering of, “Showoff.” Seriously. But I have no idea how else to write it. I would be giving myself strange looks, too, if I had to listen to the speech I was writing. It’s just…yeah.

New favourite song for the being: “Hold Me Close Tonight”. Except I shan’t post lyrics because I’m really not completely sure of them. Yet.

I know SOMEONE is going to berate me for procrastinating. (Seriously. What normal fifteen-year-old talks like this? “Berate”? But…not much that I can do about it…it’s well blended into my way of speech. Along with, I realize, the word “like”. Not used quite in the way the stereotypical blonde ditz does, but still, I find it’s actually very hard for me to carry on a conversation without using “like”. It just slips in, unconsciously.)

“When I Close My Eyes” isn’t bad, either…but it’s sort of one of two…the last one doesn’t have words, I think.

It was cold tonight
Had no one to hold onto
Then you came along
You pulled me through
Darkness fades away
And I feel no pain
The sun will shine again

Anyways.

Yell at me for being a horrible person and not doing my theory, which is due on Saturday. I am quite screwed. So I think I will stop writing this and go do my homework! *groan* Planning, and Socials, and Science, and PE. Arg…

I am going to get sick of these songs soon – it’s all I’ve been listening to for two days! Hm…

Ja, ja. Going now.

Back after practicing piano, finishing speech, come to work on Science and Phys. Ed. Hm…

The butterfly my cousin made for me just fell off my bunk bed again and made me jump. I swear, one day that thing’ll give me a heart attack. Why can’t it just stay suctioned there?

Thursday morning:

I woke up with the headache still, which is weird since usually sleep does away with them. Not in this case. I’d measure my temperature but I don’t want someone to catch me with the thermometer and go, “You have a fever?” and make a big fuss out of it. I don’t think I have a fever. I hope not.

*groan* It’s that stupid speech thing today…

Nobody's Listening

Monday night:

I’m pretty darn sure I’m going to give myself a headache. I mean, blaring Linkin Park into your ears can’t really be all that good, can it? *cough*

*glares at computer screen* It isn’t nearly loud enough.

I can’t concentrate at all. I just feel like slacking off…and slacking off…and slacking off, but that won’t happen now, will it? Science homework, Planning test, PE homework, Socials speech, a crapload of Theory, piano practicing, and Mr. Girard is making us do devotionals. Sorry, but his class is just rivaling Mr. Matwichuck’s class last year, and that’s not a good thing. Furthermore, I think I’m pissed off about my Leadership mark. Even though it was due, apparently, to my own self-evalution. And I completely forgot about a Planning worksheet (albeit a small one) that was due today, so I had to hand it in half-completed. I wasn’t too pleased with that.

Hm. I suddenly get the feeling of wanting to shove everything I want to take into a backpack and just getting up and walking away. So is this stress? Once in a while I try to psychoanalyze things…it doesn’t always work, really.
I swear, my piano is getting worse and worse. I play songs I’ve been playing for over three months and suddenly I’m hitting all the wrong notes and stuff…my room is a mess…

Very strange. I have a question of, “Why?” Just “Why?” in general, encompassing everything.

I have this feeling that if I posted some of my angrier ravings, I would frighten most of you. I just went back and read them and I frightened myself. I swear, at some points then I must have been just slightly mentally unstable. *crooked smile* But I think I’m okay now. Sort of.

There is a curious sensation behind my eyes and an ache in my chest. I think I’m about to cry. I’m going about this in a strangely detached manner, but today really wasn’t the best of days. It would have downright sucked were it not for a few highlights such as band, etc… The want to cry started about five minutes ago with a comment and it hasn’t gone away yet. Ate half a slice of cheesecake and am now making myself finish it – I want to throw it up. This is strange. Usually, after a little while, this crying feeling goes away, especially if I’ve returned to my room, alone, but I guess maybe dwelling on it would be the cause of its not going away.

Oh, this is getting ridiculous. It’s, like, fifteen minutes after and that stupid ache in the chest is still there. *shakes head wonderingly* Just wondering, being curious, what are the chances of me suddenly having some sort of weird random mental breakdown?

Since I have no clue what on earth is wrong with me, I’ll accredit it to stress. And since I have no idea what I’m going to be feeling like for the next little while, I think I’ll apologize/warn you beforehand that I might be testy or wanting to do some avoiding. So, *smirk*, Kiwi-Kaewi, I won’t be dead. Someone else will need to smack people for me, so go right ahead, K, I’ve given you permission. (Still don’t love ya, though. :P) Or I’ll be off discussing things with Luke. Laptops and documents and games, and falling and stairs, or something.

Vasya owes me that techno CD! I gave his gloves back.

I STILL feel like I want to cry! Wow. Something has got to be wrong. I don’t usually randomly feel like this. Wait – didn’t I just contradict myself…? “Usually randomly”…

That last bite of cheesecake was disgustingly hard to swallow.

I’m starting to worry myself. It’s nearing, I’d guess, about half an hour now.

Ooh…

Tried to give you warning
But everyone ignores me
Told you everything loud and clear
But nobody’s listening…

Heart full of pain
Head full of stress
Handful of anger
Held in my chest
Uphill struggle
Blood, sweat, and tears
Nothing to gain
Everything to fear…

Very cool. I’m not accusing you people of not listening, don’t worry. This song sounds cool. Therefore, I am titling the post after it. “Nobody’s Listening”, by Linkin Park. It was just the “Head full of stress” and “Handful of anger held in my chest” parts that were cool.

Wow. I’ve used the word “cool” for about the fourth time in three days. I don’t like using that word unless as referring to temperature or something. Usually.

Who-oops, “Numb” isn’t a good song for right now.

BUT…I think I’m going to listen to it anyways.

My brother keeps crying. He should stop crying.

I am thinking almost perfectly calmly, but I still feel like I want to cry, and I’m actually staring straight ahead for no reason at all. I’m not even looking at the keyboard while I type this.

He’s crying right outside my bedroom door and it’s really annoying. I don’t want to crank the music up any higher cuz it might wreck my ears.

I feel kinda out of it.

Okay. Crying feeling gone after about some hour lapse. I still get the impression that “Breaking The Habit” was primarily about cutting.

sleepy_kitty_is_to_be_declawed

: Yeah, random.

Well, mom made me trim my nails. And so I did…but I accidentally cut one to the quick, so I did the same with all the rest, then realized just how retarded that looked. But too late. Like my hair, it’s a bit late…

Much Procrastination

For Sunday night:

Oh screw it! I have the stupid Socials speech due on Thursday and I got NOTHING done over the weekend, no Harmony, no studying for Planning either – I didn’t even work on my PE worksheet and I’m only hoping it’s due Friday. Wow. SUCH a productive weekend. Cruuuud. I’ve been procrastinating again. That and I've been reading. Anyone taking human biology and knows all the muscles and can tell me? Dave wasn’t particularly very helpful.

7. What muscles are known to be in your center of gravity? (Note “center”, not “centre” – not Canadian spelling.) - the good ones

8. What is the muscle commonly known as shoulder? - the right épaule

Love, Dave

SO…the right shoulder as opposed to the left one? Or the wrong one?

*hisses* There, are a number of short, raised welts on my hand, and they ITCH! And they sting when it gets wet. And I got home last night and looked in a mirror and my cheek was still red, and it still smarted if I touched it. Yes, Vasya, this is war, and you have only won the battle…mwahahahahaaa. And I have your gloves. And you owe me the CD.

He hit me in the face with a hard snowball!

The bus trip home was…interesting, to say the least.

I am to go practice my piano now. It is actually Sunday night, from this section on. No blogging from home, si? Si.

I need to visit the dollar store for glowsticks, a laser pointer, black hair elastics, black hair clips, and tea lights. No – wait, I still have a couple of those hanging around. Flames and candles are so cool.

I’m a bit shocked at my current frame of mind, of wanting to “accidentally” drop my Theory book out the window of the car on the highway. It just – arggg!

I’ve been typing up a list of songs…for random reasons…or not so random…

Wow, what happened to being organized? I cannot think. I’m sure there was something I wanted to say, but I’m not sure what…

Luke lent me his Archos 604 Wi-Fi (I wrote this completely from memory – did I remember it correctly?) on the bus trip to UBC and gave me a little (or not so little – the thing was two or so hours in its entirety) movie thing to watch, one which I watched half of and emerged somewhat scandalized and a bit traumatized. He hadn’t seen it yet, and I was to review it for him…in the future, he’s checking those vids first before he shows them to me!

I am drinking tea from a clean plastic Pepsi bottle, and the tea smells like canned ice tea but tastes normal. My guess is that the lemony smell is due to the fact that the bottle had previously held Pepsi in it, which I believe has a bit of a lemon twist. I don’t know; I threw out the label. In any case, I must be typing too hard because the tea inside the bottle is randomly rippling.

How in the world does one roll their Rs, and why can I not do it? I had the same problem in French last year and I had to fake it. This, as it so happens, came up on the bus trip home, when some feline decided to purr. Luke informed me that to make a purring sound, it would be like softening the rolling of an R…and I cannot roll my Rs. It irks me to no end. (There now, Kaeli, normal people would most likely not say “irk”, either!)

Oh, yes! At the UBC versus UVIC game, there were a couple of guys – older, twenties or so, and a few of them had been drinking (and continued to throughout the game). Apparently, beer was sold there, the Canadian brand or whatever, the one with, I think, the maple leaf on it or something. Anyways, there was one guy who was REALLY off it and was kinda just making comments to the band at first, such as, “Xylophones? Xylophones? I played those in grade four!” and the like. Later on he was like, “Sorry, thought you guys were from UVIC,” a legitimate excuse since the team’s colours and our band uniforms were both dark blue and yellow. He also said he wished we were in uni so he could hassle us. I was like, “Just how drunk are you?” One of the guys on the UVIC team, Ellis, he kept yelling at, just mocking him throughout the whole game. “Ellis, you’re a redhead, you still haven’t accepted it,” and, “Ellis, you’re a man and you have streaked blond hair!”. Just mocking him in that manner. It would’ve been funny had I not felt so bad for the player. I mean, that drunk guy may have been for UBC, but I sort of doubt it…he dissed UBC players too, so…what with having been reading WoT, I was thinking, wouldn’t it be cool if I could just gag him with Air? That would’ve been fun. Seriously. Once he yelled something all the way across the stadium and got ticked off, and was really ticked off, and yelled, “Shut the f--- up!” or something to that extent, and splashed half a cup of beer all over the place. I was thinking, “Dude, you’d better not be driving tonight.”

My initial reaction towards those guys was one of disdain, and had at first decided that may have been why MEI was seen as so aloof and all that, so I tried to soften my attitude towards them, but in the end? Hmph. I wasn’t really ticked, actually, just…well, yeah. Disdainful. Anyways, this all sounded better in my head, but it’s twelve again, so I should go. :)

SS 10, Linear Course

The librarians are none too pleased to find people gaming on the library computers, though I really don’t know why, as I don’t see a problem with gaming or doing game-related things on these computers. Obviously, we wouldn’t want gory graphics and whatnot, but it wasn’t as if anyone needed to use the computer, and I doubt games would do anything like screw up or slow down the system, so…what’s the point? I can see why so many people hate the librarian…they hated Ms. Munroe, too. It’s strange, kind of. I don’t get very many such experiences like getting kicked out…(though, Vasya, I doubt saying “Screw you” in response was such a good idea…) but, yeah.

Heh. I hope Luke’s stuff works.

I should go check it on Wikipedia…Red Alert…but I am supposed to be doing Socials right now (the stupid assignment!) and I am supposed to come up with a stupid metaphor by the end of the class to tell Mr. Dick. Hopefully, my somewhat vast vocab will make up for whatever effort I don’t put into this speech. Blech.

Vasya doesn’t like me because he keeps forgetting to burn a CD for me. Hmph, it’s not my fault. But then again it sort of is, because I emailed him a reminder the first day but not the second day. Therefore, I am sending him this post. Partially as the reminder and partially because I mentioned him several times in here.

Stupid. Whatever. I can just come up with something lame and properly think it over again later and tell Mr. Dick I changed my mind.

Planning wasn’t a very fun class.

Phys. Ed was half decent.

Socials – blurg.

Science…? I have a meiosis quiz coming up and I didn’t study enough and I need to get my grade back up.

I feel like I’m obsessing over my grade the way an anorexic person might think about food – oh I ate too much so I must must must not eat anything for the next week! A sort of over-obsession, as I got a 85.7 or some mark on my science test and I’m going, “Oh, I barely broke 86%, crap I need to raise my mark!”

Socials isn’t going so well either, though I think I’m safe to fall a little since the last time I checked I was still in the 90s. But it’d better stay that way.

I think I will stop now…I really ought to work on my speech thing. I hope I can not procrastinate on this project as I so often do; it would be torture to write this all on Wednesday the night before it was due. Not to mention we have to say it, too.

I’m pissed off again. I cannot go to the band gig December 9 because of piano, and my little cousin’s birthday thing. I mean, it’s nothing against her but I hate how I have to miss band. I know it shouldn’t be – friends shouldn’t be – more important than family, but…and piano, AGAIN! I hate it.

To follow up on what I blurted out on the keyboard yester-night, my mother also said that in lieu of all my not using the computer properly and going to bed so late, there was no way I’d be taking Animation as well as Band next year.

Well, honestly? Screw that.

I’ll take IT regardless, next year, I think, as well as band even though all the seniors will be gone, but the current grade elevens will still be there. And then the grade nines will be in concert band. :)

And The Blade Comes Down...

Fan-bloody-tastic.

Um, yeah. I used that for effect, a starting line which makes it seem as if this post may be humorous, but really, it’s anything but.

As of today, my computer time will be limited, regardless of whether I need to do homework or not. Of course, my mom’s not THAT cruel…*laugh*…if I need to finish my work I get to wake up the next morning to do so. Bright and freaking early.

If you know me, you’ll know I’m a night owl and not a morning person at all.

That, and my mother oh so blithely informed me (no, not really, she was already sounding ticked off that I was “lying” to her when I went onto the computer to “do my homework” and I did more than just that, i.e., multitasked and went on other sites simultaneously) that my father could, even from Australia, yes, even from Australia (gasp!) see and track everything I was doing on the computer, and that they were “respecting my privacy” or wanting to, but that if he saw anything slightly suspicious, he would – and could – go look at it.

Snort.

Hence, I shall have to try to remember not to go on my blog at all while I am at home. Honestly, to tell the truth, my blog wasn’t for my parents’ eyes. (Even though they once said that they couldn’t be sure what I was writing on my blog and that for all they knew I could be doing “bad stuff”. I don’t know how “bad” they meant by that, but…*shrug*) Unless what I say is of really little consequence, i.e., my usual randomness.

To be honest, I know that they aren’t overreacting…too terribly much, but I’m, yeah. Pretty ticked off already. Granted, they have a point – sometimes I even skip my hour (it’s supposed to be an hour and a half) of piano practice and I have no other activities, and yet my regular bedtime is still – well, it’s around twelve to one o’clock. I’ve been going on…what, five, six, seven hours of sleep for the majority of what amount of school days we’ve had this year? And really, I feel fine. If it weren’t enough, I would know – I know I cannot function properly if I lack sleep, and I’ve been doing fine. And this has been for longer than a month, for sure. If I were running on reserves, I would have run out by now, but…I’m fine. That is, I feel fine. I probably need a whole lot more sleep than what I’m getting, but…*shrug*

*dramatic waving of hands* And now let us plunge from this level of anger to one of moodiness, plain and simple. Or not so simple.

I seriously need to get a life, I think. Conformity is a necessity. If it weren’t for my listening to the Beat 94.5 and Z 95.3, I would have no idea of what people at school would be talking about when they mention singers or songs. (By the way, the parental unit also disapproves of my listening to said stations.) It took Extreme Praise on Praise 106.5 to bring to my attention the numbers of Christian artists out there who wrote songs a little more suited to a lot of teens’ tastes.

I can probably count all the movies I’ve watched on two hands and that’s it. This is excluding Disney movies…even though I’ve watched an extremely small amount of those, too, in comparison to the vast amount of Disney movies there are out there. I mean classics such as “Pocahontas”, “The Fox and the Hound”, “The Aristocats”, etc. Movies like “A Walk To Remember”, something that seems to be one a LOT of people have seen (girls, I mean, considering that it’s a chick flick) – I’ve never seen it and people gape at me in shock. “You’ve never seen it?!? What’s wrong with you???" Or LOTR. Only the first disc of “The Fellowship of the Ring”, and that was courtesy of Janelle.

Apparently, the problem with LOTR two or so years earlier was that they were (the PU) afraid that I couldn’t handle it. All the violent scenes and whatnot. They were afraid it would scare me.

…

I know virtually nothing about sports, and if you asked me, I’d say I couldn’t care less. Football, hockey…pfft. Really. Woohoo. Amazing amount of team spirit here, wouldn’t you say. Yes, there is no question mark as the “question” is heavily laden with sarcasm and therefore meant to fall flat without the inflection to mark it as a real question. Apparently, Microsoft Word doesn’t seem to deem it a question, as there is no green squiggly line to indicate that I’ve made a grammatical error. *rolls eyes*

I don’t go out/get out much. As in, trips to go shopping (MCC really doesn’t count), or to go to movies with friends, or to just go out with friends, or to go over to friends’. The birthday parties I’ve gotten invites to exceptions, and the only person I’ve ever done that with, I think, is Janelle. I don’t invite people over. Social interaction consists of conversing at school, then numerous emails, the majority of which I read and never reply to anymore. Notice, guys, that you’ve received very few from moi lately?

And yes. Excessive use of the computer considering that I don’t actually do anything interesting on it (I don’t know, such as keeping a website, actually continually writing stories, hacking into things/gaming [Vasya, Luke], whatever). I use my laptop to listen to music because I don’t have some little sound system and I’ve killed, somehow, two MP3s by wrecking the earphone jack port thingy. Also my mom hates it when I plug my ears up (which I do sometimes on purpose because people are yelling and screaming?) because then I can’t hear her (sorta the point?), so I unplug the headphones and let the sound issue from the speakers. I’m sure I’ll blow the speakers at some point (even though it’s not really THAT loud compared to what it could be). And because I doubt that this is the function of the laptop’s speakers (as a sound system), the sound goes all tinny on loud/high parts. Expected, and a small price to pay, I guess. *rolls eyes*

Oy. I have fingernail marks on my cheek because I dig my nails in a little bit when my mother is scolding me. I don’t think that’s healthy. Am I trying to hold something in? I feel more numb than angry, actually.

Right…yeah, I’m writing all this at 12:22 AM, December 1, but of course I’m not gonna be posting it now. Hn.

I like Christmas at school, but right now – and most of the time – yeah. This is wrong. I shouldn’t be dreading Christmas, but I am. *exhales*

*glances over typing* Curious, all this, really. That time is over for another month, thank goodness, but this leads to another dilemma – what is the cause of this funky mood swing?

It may be due to the fact that I am none too pleased with our Socials project. I hate history. Loathe it. To think that I will have to do it for piano theory, too, because I’m not allowed to quit piano until I get grade ten done and all the freaking theory that goes with it. What’s the point? I’m not going into music or anything. People tell me I’m good, but I’m not that good. I just practice songs enough times to get them down well, and that’s about the gist of it. Maybe my form isn’t half bad, but usually people who compliment me may not actually play the piano, so they don’t notice said form or anything of the like.

It’s very strange. I get conflicting thoughts about the Christmas banquet, such as “Okay, I have a stupid outfit,” and “Oh, I can’t wait, it’s going to be so cool!” and “I really don’t know why I even bought a ticket,” and “I’m going to feel really dumb there and just end up standing around again.”

Hm. Why do the negative thoughts outnumber the positive ones – one – three to one? Is that telling me something? *dry voice* Hm indeed. Thinkthink. Thinkthink. But yeah. I am going, so don’t plague me with comments such as, “How could you think that, Stephie? It’ll be fun!”

How could you think that, Stephie, it’ll be fun!

Whatever. It’s 12:33 now – wait, wait. My computer clock is off. The real time is actually seven to eight minutes more than what I’ve been saying – so it’s 12:41 AM now. Guess I should go to bed or something…yeah. Whatever.

Ya know, I’m actually sorta waiting to see how long it’ll take for the parentals to catch me doing something that will result in their confiscating of my laptop. Maybe they’ll see me playing Minesweeper, or Solitaire, or Hearts with computer people that I’ve named after characters in my stories, or Freecell, which I’m working through starting from #1 and working up progressively (I’m currently at #113). So THIS is why I don’t get my homework done.

Huh, I thought I was going to go now.

I’ve been listening to this song – “Classical Songs Symphony of Carols”, something for Christmas, Christmas songs and all that, and there’s this “Christmas Reminiscence” that I found really pretty (and it sounds like the title, too), but now it’s just making me depressed. It sounds like a soundtrack from some movie or something. Yeah.

Um. Yeah. I really should stop now.

Supremely Sugary Snickerdoodles

Alliteration time, yay! How droll.

Yes, I am aware that it is half past the witching hour, Kaeli, Lindsay, but you will have to deal. :P

Made a good number of said snickerdoodles today, though they were slightly too sweet for my tastes. This isn’t due to my culinary skills (or lack thereof), as I followed the recipe. 1 1/2 cups of sugar. The cookies look burnt, though they’re not – it’s merely the cinnamon coating. And they taste quite all right, too. I think I drowned my cookie craving by consuming about fifteen of them today. Horrors. The sugar in that. And the butter…it was all butter. Butter, and eggs, and sugar and flour made up the most of it.

But they’re tastygood! :)

I do wish I could have taken my Harmony lessons with Mrs. Janzen, whom, I believe, holds them in group lessons. I may end up being bored in a group lesson, but at least I would have some motivation to actually do my theory. I don’t do it immediately after the lesson – and then I go to do it and I can’t bring myself to work on it, not to mention that I’ve gone and forgotten most of what my teacher taught me.

Also, I think it would be much easier if I weren’t being taught in half English half Chinese! *glowers* It is VERY annoying, and as my textbook/academic classes are all taught in English, I think it would make sense if I learned Harmony in English as well. Cons of having a Chinese teacher is that she mispronounces things and confuses me. *irritated huff* Stupid.

PBKAC?!?

Which, by the way, is NOT the case!

Pebkac
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

PEBKAC is an acronym which stands for "Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair".

Also used is PEBCAC, which stands for "Problem Exists Between Computer And Chair", or PEBCAK ("Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard"). Other variations are PIBKAC ("Problem Is Between Keyboard And Chair") or EBKAC ("Error Between Keyboard And Chair").

It is most commonly used by experts to describe to one another that the problem was not in the computer but was instead caused by the user operating it.

In 2006, Intel began running a number of PEBKAC web-based advertisements to promote their vPro platform.

And you're siding with the computer? Thanks a lot! *sticks tongue out*

Snow Dunes

Well, the muscles are complaining indeed. I wrenched my wrist somehow, and it hurts now. Well, twinges if I move it the wrong way.

The snow is quite powdery due to the cold temperatures, and with the way it's looking, I don't think it'll be good for packing anytime soon. However, with it being so powdery and all, the wind whips it into sparkling white dunes that are not good for stepping in but are very pretty for looking at.

I'm a bit displeased with having to miss band.

What?! We got new songs and they're cool!

That draft in my room is quite bothersome. It is SO cold in there...

If there's enough time, hopefully I can make snickerdoodles tomorrow...I don't get many chances to make cookies...

And I've a real serious (for me) cookie craving these past few days. Strange.

Apparently, my stupid low leadership mark was mostly based on our self-evaluations!! GRR!!

This infernal computer, why is it so slow and not responding?!?

Winter Apparel

I did have gloves, a thin pair and a heavier duty pair, Hailey. Screw nylons. You realize you contradict Kaeli in saying that I should wear jeans, which I did. I did have boots. My socks did not go over my jeans, and I had absolutely no snow going into my boots. Good boots, those, though not winter ones. My feet stayed perfectly dry. Toque unecessary as I had my hood up and tied, so my ears were perfectly fine. My nose was all right without said scarf, and both hat and scarf would have only served to irritate me.

Uh, how am I supposed to play? Kaeli, my brothers were doing the playing. Not me. I was being a good little girl and WORKING, and being HELPFUL! Tell you what, you come over here and do the shoveling, and I'll go play.

Snowplough

There is no glory in shoveling snow. Especially while it is still snowing. And my brother wasn't helping like he ought to have. My fingers are still defrosting - my jeans and hoodie were both soaked through, and my hoodie's ties froze...I'm gonna feel all those muscles complaining tomorrow.

We skipped church today, ya know, due to the snow. Probably a good thing, as the snow only got worse. We watched the live webcast instead.

I'm wearing that big fluffy pink sweater. I can't find the white one, and this is really soft and I'm cold.

I can smell the spaghetti sauce and I'm hungry. It smells really good...*salivates* (I think normal people would have written *drool* instead). Mom is chopping carrots by the sink. :)

Cravings

Posted for yesterday...

Stupid cravings. *grumble* I don’t usually get a specific craving for chocolate (nor does it help anything), but I get cravings for food. Sometimes specific foods.

Cravers Anonymous: Hi, my name is Stephanie, and I ate five chocolate chip cookies in ten minutes yesterday.

Little wonder my tummy’s prominence still stays. Bleh.

I spent over forty bucks today at the mall, I think. For sure over thirty. *groan* I won’t be forgetting that little binge for a while.

My room is -deathly- cold. There is this cold draft seeping in through my not-completely-airtight window, thanks to the air conditioner placed there. Ugh. I can feel that stupid draft.

I wonder if all girls dream – no matter how little – about their prince? I was reading this huge long story, a sort of adaptation of Cinderella done by an author off FP, and it’s really good. It, however, leaves me a bit wistful, as I expected. That, and it’s the song I’m listening to, and it’s the snow falling outside, and I touch the hair ornaments I bought today and sigh…

Melodrama, da da da. Bravo. I don’t know. This feels a bit strange. Voicing all these thoughts when it’s not my journal I’m writing this for but rather for my blog where people besides me will read it.

Was it worth it, spending so much today? Twenty-two dollars sans tax for two pieces of jewelry and there was a twenty-six dollar necklace at Claire’s I would have loved, but even I would not use that much money on a necklace.

Um…

Maybe it is worth it. If it can make me feel pretty for one night. *grins* Not sure what’s talking right now, but. Whatever.

Ecstasy is, not the drug, Luke, going outside when it’s snowing, and quiet, and it’s so – nice – out there. My fingers are now numb with cold (as opposed to what? Pain?) but it’s so breathtakingly beautiful out there. *wryly* Even more so if I hadn’t known I would have to come back inside. *sigh* Why can’t the world be like this all the time? Then again, if it were, what would be special about it?

*Grumble*

*grumble grumble* *growl* *wails* My hand hurts. *pouts* You're mean, Luke, but - I got away with a really nice hard kick!

Oh, hm, maybe I should apologize for that one.

Or maybe not.

Janelle turned against me!!! But at least Grace is still my friend. And she won't be siding with Luke anytime soon. Unlike Gabrielle, and Kaeli. Thank goodness Lindsay wasn't here today. If she'd decided to join in the "fun" of torturing poor Steph...

My hand is still sore! Jerk. :P Creepy jerk.

Is it possible to get high off of beef jerky?

I didn't eat lunch today.

Yuh-huh, that was random.

I'm also really tired. I bet my hair is a mess. Now I wonder if that poor Christmas box was Nolan's, or mine...

The thing with not wanting to care so much about this whole big deal of a Christmas banquet is that I won't be stressing out over the perfect outfit and whatnot. The bad thing about that is I will ultimately start thinking, "Oh crap, this looks horrendous." And that means stressed out and very nervous Steph.

Of course, it shouldn't look horrendous, but...

Ah, screw it. It's probably going to be that black top/skirt thing.

*growls* And stupid hair.

I don't like my glasses. :(

Study Block

Band today was more of a study block since Mr. Joiner was at Comox, but only about half of the class (it seemed really small…) were working. Some people went to Starbucks with orders. Luke and then Vasya made use of a computer I’m sure they weren’t allowed on…and Vasya put on techno music. Hee. He said he’d burn a couple of copies and bring them to school…me happy. Because I like the music. Not sure if I ought to add a “Surprisingly enough” after that sentence, but…*shrug*

My friends were being incredibly dense. I’d thought Lindsay would have figured it out immediately. But she didn’t! The faith I put in her. *grumble*

Carol had the audacity to…

A quiz and a test tomorrow, and I should be studying, but I’m not. Again. *groan* Procrastinator that I am.

Do guys like FPS games for the blood and gore?! Is it really that appealing? The blood and gore, I mean. Bleh. *grimace* I can deal, I think, unless it’s extremely detailed graphics and a…gruesome death. That part would give me nightmares or something. Or…just make me really really really reluctant to venture downstairs where it’s dark.

Okay, no more looking at screenshots that Vasya and Luke and any other gamers decide to show you, Steph. *shudder*

Yes, Lindsay. Da-vid. I don’t mention very many other Davids, you know. I hardly think about Charlton – unless I see him I don’t remember he’s around. And Luke’s friend – Dave. So yes. It’s David, the only one I’ve mentioned? Yah. Good to know you aren’t completely clueless.

Kelly Clarkson good. Yup.

Just an incredibly random thing – I am a visual learner. Yeah…

Oh, ha! I got away with a kick at Luke that he didn’t get me back for! Grace took off with his driver’s license so I kicked him and ran. Luke was a bit torn between coming after me and going for Grace, but of course his license was by far more important, so I got away. For now. *beams* Ha ha. Dave is far nicer to Grace and me than he is to Luke. And it’s quite funny – Luke was trying to step on my toes (obviously, as a form of revenge for something I had done) and Mr. Williams came out and walked past and told Luke there were far more effective ways of flirting with a girl than stepping on her toes. Burn! But that happened twice. The second time, Luke was shaking Grace for whatever reason (he’s mean that way, yupyup) and Mr. Williams made a similar comment, substituting the shaking for stepping on toes. Ha ha ha. Double burn. :)

Where on earth could I find a plain black mask for a masquerade, assuming I wish to come in such? This keeping in mind that I hardly ever get to go out to places to buy clothes. Going to the mall is, in my eyes, a treat. Ha. Not that I buy much even then.

Okay, Kelly Clarkson is only good until about the sixth song or something.

…“Maneater”!

Band, Baritones, And Bows

I just have to blog this because I found it rather amusing. It happened on Monday, last block, in band. David had his baritone and was playing something when he realized that it sounded a little off, so he had Nolan give him a B flat. Or a B. I don’t remember. David’s note was flat, and he didn’t know why…he was checking the valve and such. Then I just noticed a large red bow left over from the Santa Claus parade stuffed in the bell of his baritone, and I pulled it out. David at that point wasn’t facing me, so when he played the note again and found it higher, he was confused until I dropped the bow on his head. At which he proceeded to test it by playing the same note and shoving and pulling the bow in and out of his instrument. Hah.

Yes, it was the same class in which I banged (accidentally) too hard on the bells and dropped everything trying to muffle it, and also the same class in which I (also accidentally – I wouldn’t do this on purpose!) knocked my blue notebook off the cabinet and everything spilled out.

Apology To...

Or maybe not. *evil smirk* I haven’t been kicking at guys’ shins since grade eight. Maybe very occasionally last year, but next to nil. However…Luke has darn fast reactions and that, coupled with my stupid bad aim, leads to my kicking him much less. Even if Grace is distracting him. However, I kicked him hard enough…twice. I think I feel flattered that he told Grace he wasn’t worried about her, only me, because my kicks actually hurt. :)

I was listening to Linkin Park after supper because before supper I had been pretty severely ticked off with my brother, and I was thinking that I wasn’t so mad any more to want to listen to screaming. Then I had to skip Numb because I was afraid it was going to get me depressed. I don’t know why. Is it PMS again? I haven’t been counting – I suppose I could go check, but I’m getting a bit moody in my blogs these past few days and I’m not really sure why.

Why does a Sadie Hawkins stink? And no, I’m not planning on asking anyone. I’ll most likely go. But who would I ask? It’s not like number one) I like anyone enough, and number two) I’d even get up the nerve to ask people. I can ask for other people, but not myself. That and I almost don’t even care. Almost, because it’s going to throw me into some sort of funk when I see other people in our grade going together. And, *smirk* I doubt anyone would ask me. Especially not if it’s a Sadie Hawkins.

I am going to go listen to that now, I think. This is ridiculous, listening to Linkin Park now.

I have not studied a whit for my Socials test tomorrow, and I am going to emerge with a 70-some percent, or maybe even into the 60s. Crap, which means I should go study, but I can’t make myself go do it…

I should really, really go study now. I don’t want to fail. (Okay, so maybe I haven’t failed anything for a long time, but I frown upon anything under 86% – an A – for myself, and anything under 80% [unless it was some quiz worth no more than 20 marks] is plain unacceptable. I’ve been holding some 90 percent-ish strong grade in Socials, Science, and Planning. Academics, more or less. I don’t know about Phys. Ed, but report cards are turning out soon, anyways, right? I think band is fine…but as long as we stay away from “Rumble On The High Plains” I’m good.)

Sadie Hawkins Dance

Apparently, our Christmas banquet this year is going to be a Sadie Hawkins, in which the girls get to ask the guys instead of vice versa. Very cool. I first heard this term from the song "Sadie Hawkins Dance" by Relient K.

Sadie Hawkins Dance
In my khaki pants
There's nothing better...

Khaki pants? The guy needs to get a life. Lol.

Shapeshifter. Hmph.

Mr. Golden Sun

I prayed we’d have good enough weather for us to be able to go to the Santa Claus parade, and not only were we able to go, it was sunny and all-around good weather.

THANK you God!

Everything went pretty well, there. I didn’t get to go find a Starbucks. *pout* Though if I had, I doubt Luke would have let me get any coffee, and I’m sure that were David and Derek there when I stated my wishes, they would have agreed, after what happened that night after UBC, with the diet Coke and all.

*whines* But I like iced cappuccinos/frappuccinos/mochas!

This is so stupid. I went to bed at one last night and I couldn’t fall asleep until three-thirty. I laid in bed for two and a half hours!!! I wanted so badly to fall asleep because I was really eager for today to come, but I just couldn’t. I shall never drink so much tea at night again. We went out for supper last night with my (other) grandmother, in Vancouver, and I drank a lot of the tea. Not to say that all teas would do that to me, and even the effect might have been sporadic. Romanization for that type of tea: sao mei. This was one of the ones that didn’t taste too bitter even when it was concentrated, so I didn’t add water to it to dilute it, since I didn’t think it necessary. My grandma was afraid I wouldn’t be able to sleep, but I was like, “Oh, it’s fine, tea’s never been able to make me not sleep before.”

Eat your words, girl.

Obviously, the caffeine amount in numerous cups of semi-strong sao mei tea is enough to keep me up.

I – just suddenly feel like I’m talking about shots of vodka or something. Wine, and getting drunk. Or…stoned.

Why the heck is “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams” making me depressed???

Luke! I resent that! I have never been wolf-like, nor have I ever shown any wolfish tendencies! Lycanthropic side indeed.

I am one screwed up chick. I mean, I know I’m not that screwed up, but I’m pretty much getting there. I just hope this isn’t going to be on some downward slide.

A semi-admission: I’m dreading Christmas. Presents are fun, but in truth I could do without them…and as self-centred as this might seem it’s taxing coming up with presents for family. I really like the Christmassy atmosphere at school and all, and I like winter a good deal, but Christmas at home…last year was – stupid. It was so tense; everyone was threads away from snapping, I think. We almost didn’t put up our Christmas tree. The reason we did, afterwards, was because we’d have company over and they’d wonder why we didn’t have our tree. Or at least, part of the reason. It was just dumb. I wrote that whole little spiel which I titled "Deck The Halls With Boughs Of Baneberry" – it’s very long and not very catchy, I know. The piece was more of a ranting/spewing/raging thing; it’s not lyrically smooth and I don’t think things rhyme, but I liked it for its title. Ah, English. Baneberry – baneberries are poisonous. And the word “bane” means something that causes misery or ruin.

You don’t really have to comment on the Xmas thing. I’m just feeling blah again, so…

Because I’m opening up a little here, and –

Uh, why am I starting to sound like a cynical…brat…here?

I might open up and say something that I feel like I might be judged on. So I don’t want people to talk to me about what I say, though there are a few exceptions.

I don’t like to reveal something and end up changing someone’s opinions of me. That is what I am – afraid – of. Therefore, I don’t reveal so much about myself to almost anyone. My computer obviously doesn’t count. *laugh* When I do, I usually don’t want to be talked to about it. So – I guess I’m insecure in that way.

Again. Please don’t comment or allude to this, online, via emails, or in person. Unless I’m like, yeah, sure, whatever, go ahead.

No more of that for a bit. They’ve upped the Christmas banquet ticket prices by five bucks. It was fifteen dollars last year. If you bring a can of food I think you get a dollar off. I think I’m coming in black. Or black and some stupid sparkly red thing. Whatever; I don’t know.

Werewolf…mouse with its spine crushed between the jaws of some feral cat…sleepy cat swiping irritated-ly away.

Number one, finish my ridiculously easy science (which I put off till now and am, obviously, still putting off), and number two, ask my mom to see if I will have to pay the entire banquet ticket fee myself. Provided I’m going. I think last year we split the cost…or something. Meh.

Oh, and, yay! Everyone listen to Luke. I’m not going to show up wearing that sweater. Motherly? Ugh. NOT a look I’m going for. No. So no fuzzy pink sweater. :)

And abuse? Me? Never. Neh-ver. :P And it wasn't my choice; I wanted to come! Geez.

Eyes Are The Windows To The Soul

Let us have a consensus. Yes, Luke is creepy, very creepy. Therefore, it is a good thing that he seems much shorter in comparison to Lindsay. Thank you, Lindsay, for being so tall. If it was just Luke, in the dark...*runs away*

I don't buy the whole "eyes are the windows to the soul" crap. No kidding. I never see anything in eyes except colour...(duh) but I don't see emotions in eyes either. I judge emotions by the entire facial expression...eyebrows, mouth, position of the eyes...all that stuff.

I got a pretty Swarovski crystal bracelet from my grandmother. Unfortunately, it's pink and iridescent clear. I like the iridescent, but pink...I mean, as a crystal it's semi-tolerable, but still... I would have preferred a deep clear red, matched with pearlescent and/or black. Shiny black, like hematite. But I love that deep red. I have bought crystals that colour and matched them with pearls and hematite and it's very nice.

Please, please don't rain badly enough for us to have our going to the parade cancelled. I couldn't stand not being able to go - I missed today and...yeah. I just really really want everything to pull through, and have everyone there...and I have a conversation with Sara that I need to finish.

*groan* Carol first, then David several times, then I'm pretty sure Brent's mentioned it, and Sara stated it.

Pink And Fuzz

*sigh* Well. Go ahead, y'all. Laugh at Stephie in pink and fuzz (though it's hard to see the fuzz). Go on, laugh - I know you want to.

Music Fest

Um – I’m feeling less than – happy – in a relatively normal level mood – and I have suspicions why, but there’s several options that may be individually causing it or altogether causing it. I’m not sure. It could be the music – it’s “Not Ready To Make Nice”, which doesn’t actually make much sense because it’s not depressing, but maybe it’s the sound. It’s a sort of un-happy country sound, and – I really don’t know.

Also I’ve been rereading romance stories I’ve saved off FP and that might be it.

And also another reason. Been reading something else and I’m feeling a bit jealous/envious…with what I guess is a perfectly legit reason, but…anyways, yeah. Obviously, since I didn’t state outright what that was, there’s no need to question, and…yeah.

I feel tired. I just want to curl up and sleep…and not think.

I should have at least two weeks left, why am I getting all depressed?

…Okay. Enough of that – this is typed in my room on my laptop so a period of time has passed…*time passing* *time passing* Tick tock. :)

I have compiled a number of songs that I have gotten off the internet and am going through them all. Pretty pleased to see that I can still sing some of them, those which I haven’t listened to in quite a long time. Should go through older songs more. I like Avril Lavigne’s “My Happy Ending”, preferably the radio-edit one.

Owww. I am doing my Socials notes on my laptop, so I have taken my laptop off my desk and am sitting on the floor (where I always do my homework), and I have alternated between sitting with my knees drawn up and computer balanced on top, legs stretched out with comp put in my lap, and sitting cross-legged. I must alternate, because my legs get stiff and very painful. Erg. Legs stretched out make the blood unable to get to my toes, for they are tingling. Ow, did I pull something?

Yeah, I am still calling them laptops and not notebooks.

They mentioned the Microsoft whatever-its-name-was thing, the iPod rival, on the news today. Were it not for…was it Luke and Company that mentioned it?...them I would have never heard of it until that night. Obviously, I don’t keep up with the news very much. I think the most TV I’ve actually watched in the past couple of months is a half-hour of America’s Next Top Model when I was “babysitting” that night a while ago.

Ouch. Since all my songs are at different volumes, I’ve been listening to them at one volume, except “Say Anything” just started playing very loudly, and…it’s the unedited version, so there’s there the words – please excuse the terms – “b*tch” and “sh*t” in it. Why can’t they just do the radio-edit versions the first time, really? “Thing” in replacement for the first and “tough” for the second one.

Yes, we’re all mature enough to handle that mentioning, right? I decided against writing the actual word out in case…in case I don’t really know what, but – yeah. So I had to instantly turn the volume down – erg, it’s still too loud. There we go. That’s better.

Ah, Nick Lachey. Screw stupid paparazzi stories, this is a good song. I don’t care about the singer. Pretty decent voice, too, that. I don’t actually prefer deep voices like Lindsay does – I like tenor.

My posterior is getting numb from constantly sitting on the floor for so long, as opposed to kneeling as I usually would if I weren’t using my laptop.

My toes are cold, but I am far too lazy to pull a pair of socks on. And my room is a mess. It’s pretty much at the point where I can’t stand it. I should finish my notes.

“You And Your Hand” (I think it’s actually written with “U”) – I am perfectly aware of what she is talking about, but I actually like the song because she’s not singing it in a – how say, sort of risqué manner but more to say that she disagrees with this – arg, this really isn’t making a whole lot of sense, really, but. Yeah…

Ooh. “Beautiful Day” by U2. First heard of the band via Clayton – he likes/liked it. That was back in grade seven, I think.

Dear goodness. My brother is in grade seven; I’m in grade ten.

Uh…maybe I should stop listening to “Every Time We Touch” for the while. Until I know why exactly I’m riding on the down side.

Luke, didn't you want your lighter back?

Oh, and the promised photo. My father only gave me two with which to work, and this was the better of the two. Except...it doesn't work and my dad has allowed me no more than ten minutes which is in no way enough to deal with emails and blog, let alone do anything else I need to do on the computer.

Limitations

Call it the last night of freedom, but my dad is installing something like NetNanny, and he says it costs him over sixty bucks, just cuz they need to track irresponsible me on the net. Obviously, they didn’t say that last bit, but…Luke, a firewall of those types, do they work only on Internet Explorer, or does it just completely block those things from coming through the internet to our computer?

Uh, yeah. I’m pretty pissed right now (excuse me if that might be considered slightly harsh, but in truth, coming from me, it’s not. Regretfully. Janelle had been surprised last year when I got really ticked off and used that term), and – just – yeah. Mr. Girard sure as he…ck…didn’t help. Screw it, but I looked at two business-type letters to my parents (banks or something) and BC is there plain as day without freaking periods there. Give me a break?!

I am missing the band gig on Saturday, and I am extremely ticked off about that. We’re going out to have a last meal with my grandma before she goes to Hong Kong, and it was either Saturday or Sunday. I was NOT going to miss Sunday. However, my brother was going to a birthday party on Saturday, and my mother was being all “Since you’re thinking about yourself I have to deal with this and come up with a way to compromise” and whatnot. I’m being slightly irrational right here, right now, but really – I have had to bail out on/refuse at least five offers to go hang out with friends, and I think the majority of those five were due to piano. I am sick of it. I’m pushing for a grade nine practical exam in January and I just don’t.freaking.give.a.care. Seriously. I’m sick of it. I don’t get a choice! (If I was saying that last bit aloud, it would have been with a slightly hysterical lilt.) And just – screw theory.

Oh yes. Parents were mad when I used the computer to read Luke’s email. Thank goodness, I’d dealt with all of the rest of yours before I had to get off, but Luke’s was long, so…

I know I’m being irrational, so – just let me blow off some steam. It’s much better than just simmering.

Nothing being said in what songs I’m listening to right now relates, but Linkin Park in itself usually sounds pretty pissed off anyways, so –

That didn’t come out right, but –

Yeah.

Girls, if you ever catch me using an expletive, slap me. I’ll, uh, *grim chuckle* exclude Luke. Seriously, do that.

Because I cannot count on one hand all the places I could have inserted said expletives in this post.

Do you have a best friend? Like, a best-best friend. Where they know all your deep dark secrets and vice versa and all. Y…eah, semi-random.

Blue-Eyed Black Cat

I guess this picture says enough.

And fanning me, indeed. I didn’t require fanning, for your information. You seemed to have found it pretty funny, though. And it was after school, and I was hungry, and I wanted something salty that would require a bit more chewing and held more substance!

Reponses To Y'All

Who do you mean, as my guy friends? Other than Luke…and he’s an acquaintance. Unless he’s being good and not making lewd comments. *beams* *pats Luke on head* He’s not too tall that I can’t do that. And I don’t know, Kaeli, what if I didn’t love you girls anymore? *smirk*

Texas Hold ‘Em – Ryan never said a full house beat all. As it were, he said a four of a kind beat all, and I held a four of a kind with kings. Er, as for the majority of the spewing of stupid thoughts, comments weren’t needed on those. I just needed to vent, and since I wasn’t being severely depressed or pissed, I could let you see it instead of doing it on my computer.

I know I’m random. Hence my title. :) And I never mentioned two more lighters. They come in packs of three. No, you did not spell my last name right. C’mon, people, how hard can it freakin’ be??? It’s only FOUR letters – C-H-I-U! Even Luke spells it correctly. (Not to say that most of the time you have bad spelling, just on occasion - like "too" and "to".)

In which completely defeats my purpose of not revealing my real name.

I have not explained all the symbolism in the picture before? Oh. Well, you really should get Luke to explain it (*cough* Luke, explain it! *cough*) since the result differed a bit from my original sketch. Really, the one obvious thing that carried through were the Celtic crosses, which, in being not complete (Luke turned them on their sides) are also used as a variation of the swastika, and I really don’t need to explain the swastika, right?

…Uh, Kaeli……I’d brought a blue one today but handed it over to Luke. Only fair, since he gave me one before when he’d thought I hadn’t any, but then again, the one I gave him had considerably more lighter fluid than the one he gave me…

Fireworks! And anime. :)

And, as Hailey said, no, you may not burn down the school. I for one rather like our school. Try THAT, and die!

Luke, does it actually say LIGHTERS aren’t allowed at school?

You know, my bottle of body mist spray stuff is flammable when not dry…

Knucklebone

My knuckle is red. Anyone want to guess why? Hm? Luke?

:) The book I've been waiting for is finally available. But I should get to reading more of the fourth book of the WoT series...but I like SoT ones too. Well...the fourth was a bit iffy and that's as much as I've read, but...*shrug*

I realized that my second last previous post was insanely long. It doesn't even fit on one page. And it's Verdana and it's on Tiny. *shakes head* I need a life. *laughs* But I have one. An okay one. Some parts are insanely good and other parts aren't, but I'll deal. :)

*yawn* I'm hungry. I want...sausage. With honey, maybe, depending on the sausage. No, I'll have farmer sausage. Yum.

Impatient people. *sniffs delicately* I'll post the picture, don't you worry. (Smiles & Blushes indeed. A flowery letter from a guy would be very very creepy. Have fun with the lighter, Luke.)

Hm, I don't think there are any black cats with blue eyes. Green or yellow, maybe, but....

Luke's Project

Lindsay says to Luke: "You are my most favourite person right now because you're calling her Stephie."

...

............O.o...

Okay...

As we must all see Luke's brilliance (I do not yet have my picture in pink), I shall post his project. (Much alliteration going on here today.)

Shall I/have I mentioned that it creeps me out? I'm sure you've all figured out that pictures are shown larger if you click on them. Yup. *nods*

Um, direct quote from Luke: "You must post your fuzzy pink picture, we all need a laugh. A long laugh. At a pink Stephie. With fuzz."

Oh, this I am going to tell/have told Luke in person just to gauge his reaction, but I visited a dollar store on Friday - and bought another pack of lighters with absolutely no trouble at all. *beams* I'm just too innocent to do anything bad with fire. Ooh, flames...

Game Cube & Boys

I just re-skimmed “When You Own The Universe” and now I’m thinking about boyfriends again. Or boy friends. “Every Time I Touch” is sort of the theme song for that story for me because I listened to it a lot at that time. I spent forever trying to figure out what romance stories I associated it with and finally remembered it was Remembrance. *sigh* I’d thought it was Inverloch before, but it’s not. Yeah…boyfriends/guy friends. I’m being partially shallow and partially wistful and altogether stupid, because I’m not going to get a boyfriend anytime soon. But, *shrug* I want a really good guy friend. Sometimes it weirds me out to admit that I might enjoy guys’ company more than girls’, occasionally. But, yeah…I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me, or maybe it’s just some weird complex that all girls have. Maybe it’s just particularly dominant in me? Or I just mention it more.

This is more ridiculous than anything I’ve ever heard, so there’s really no need to reiterate it, but I can’t really believe that sometimes I feel less of a girl just because I know nothing about makeup, do nothing with my hair, and almost couldn’t give a care about clothes other than making sure it’s the hoodie-jeans-dark tee thing? It’s so stupid! But this whole deal is usually what happens after I read some chick flick and I think, “I want a guy like that!” Yeah. Being ever so shallow, but I’m a girl, and a teenager. Surely I’m allowed that.

Anyways, another issue – I can barely write anything that isn’t along the lines of romance or stupid suicidal/depressing crap. *rolls eyes* So let’s screw that whole authoress idea? Not that it so much appealed to me at all in the first place, really, but… I really should stop listening to that song. It doesn’t help my mood. I can get depressed in more than one way – there’s the ever-obvious pissed-off dark mood (which includes being thoroughly pissed with myself for various reasons) and then there’s the whole wistful-why-can’t-I-be-blahblahblah thing.

Um. Yes. I was going to blog about the birthday party at Sawyer’s house, but this completely ruined the mood. Just that I’m much better at Super Smash than that whatever-its-name-is FPS type game. I need to Google Princess Peach and Zelda – figure out some more of their moves. Though Samus is cool and Matt managed to beat me in that last game of SS. Gr. I had even been ahead of him at one point. Maybe I would’ve won with Peach. But maybe not. I’m not familiar with all the functions of the controls, but I can hold my own. Against them, that is.

Peach is sweet – she can fly/levitate, so I don’t die as easily if I stupidly walk off the ledges. Which I did in that FPS game in the temple map – I first walked into a canyon to see what it was and died – then I spawned right beside it, didn’t realize that, and turned – and fell – and died – the third time was mere stupidity. I pretty much walked straight into it, was like, “Hey, this looks familiar – wait, isn’t that the cliff – oh CRAP!” So I sucked at that. Partially because I wasn’t familiar enough with the controls to maneuver properly well enough to handle running around much less shooting much less shooting someone IN my cross hairs. I’ve never actually used the C control on a Game Cube controller – then again, all I’ve pretty much ever played was Mario Kart, the Double Dash, and then a somewhat limited SS game; that is, not all of the characters and worlds/maps were available.

Ooh, we played Texas Hold ‘Em, and Scum, and Spoons! And Mafia. :) Very cool. Ha ha, I won the pool in our first real round of Texas Hold ‘Em with a four-of-a-kind, kings, but that was the only round because someone realized we were playing with a Pinnacle deck, and then people got bored. So.

Glorious Pink

So here I am, nice pants, the only good pair of shoes I have, golden earrings, hair in a chopstick bun -

- and wearing a big pink fluffy sweater. Pink. The fact that it was fluffy, though, and so insanely soft made it decently acceptable. However, no hoodie. :( And my toes are freezing. Is the air conditioner in the car on?!? Yeah. I wrote this on the way out to Richmond. Piano lessons today. *grimace*

I'm sitting in the backseat doing Theory, and I'm for sure going to get carsick. I'm ticked because it's Remembrance Day and my poppy fell off my sweater before I got into the car.

..[time lapse]...

Yeah, I came home and stepped out of the car and the poppy was so close to the car that it had been run over by the tires when we drove into the garage. Maybe I can post a picture so you can all see me in my pink glory.

Kaeli, what you said about makeup sounds like what Lenni said.

Never mind, Lindsay.

No, I wasn't anonymous on my blog, and I want to know who wrote it. I still suspect Lindsay.

Hair Problems...

Oh crap. I think I am getting split ends.

I plucked out a piece of hair to measure and was met with an end that was split into three for about a third of a centimeter. After that I spent five minutes holding my hair up to the light and found about five other such strands. This isn’t good. I might end up having to trim my hair far earlier than I want. Any tips out there? I have no clue if shampoo and conditioner and such would help, because I don’t ever recall having split ends. I don’t do anything to my hair either (straighten, curl) so I know that isn’t the cause. I really, really don’t want to have to cut my hair even an inch.

Fashion Statements

It’s funny – it’s gotten to the point where I have stopped wearing articles of clothing that are a bright colour – I used to periodically wear grey t-shirts but have stopped doing so (they’re all dark blue, now), partially due to the fact that I have gym every day, but also… My mom told me to find some clothes not in dark colours since we were celebrating my grandma’s 80th birthday and she (or probably in Chinese culture) didn’t really want dark colours at a birthday like this (80 being a significant ten-number), so I went and yanked stuff out of my closet…I found a pair of white pants, wherever they came from, and my first reaction was a grimace and the thought, “These are disgustingly bright.” Maybe I used “revoltingly”. Thank goodness, white is also considered a colour of death or something like that. In any case, I shouldn’t wear it.

Which led to the realization above. It’s very strange. I’m not at the point of black yet, but I prefer even dark blue or black over a neutral grey, which was what I would have preferred last year.

I also prefer hoodie over t-shirt – I haven’t worn a long-sleeved shirt in who knows how long. Hoodie or sweater. And then jeans. Unless it’s like the performing arts uniform. Once, during the end of summer, I went over to Janelle’s in shorts and she said, “You’re finally wearing shorts!” I was like, “Haven’t I ever worn shorts at school at all the past year?” and she said no. So…yeah. I haven’t a clue how to use makeup. (I don’t think nail polish counts – it’s very fun to play with/put on, but much harder to take off.)

Off topic - what’s so entirely cool about knowing a person is that when they write to you, I can totally hear them saying it with the tone of voice and look on their face that I’m sure they’d have.

Soldier, Sailor, Tinker, Tailor, Rich Man, Poor Man, Begger Man, Thief

Girls can be so vindictive. The only reason I’m saying this here is because I need to get it out of my system. Kaeli, Linds, Hailey, Gabe, and Luke are the only people who read this blog, with the slight exception of Chrys, and I’m not writing this for gossip’s sake or anything, but…obviously, this doesn’t get mentioned.

A girl left her purse in the change room with two cell phones, a camera, and an iPod, expensive ones too, or so a classmate said. When we went in, we saw the purse and some people went through it to see the contents. Later, when the girl came back for her purse with a friend (I guess she remembered then), she found all four gone.

And what’s the point of taking them? I’m not saying names and I don’t want ones mentioned – none of you are in my gym class I know – just – this is absolutely ridiculous. Obviously the poor girl shouldn’t have brought cell phones or iPods, but seriously – like, I had no clue that they were actually going to take anything and I have no clue who did, but I think there were at least two people. This is just stupid.

On another note –

No offense to Luke (though you have been dense on occasions) but Perrin can be – of course, he’s innocent as well, sort of. Though Rand takes a while to catch on sometimes, too.

Firefox compares to Explorer 7 how? Besides the weird toolbar, I don’t know enough to make out many differences. They both have tabs, now.

I was in the IT lab when Mr. Weiss evaluated Luke’s final project, and I started grinning/laughing just because it was really weird…with what I’d put into that, critique and whatnot and what came before, and Mr. Weiss was like, “Why are you laughing?” I responded with, “Nothing…that needs to be said.” *laugh* Can’t a girl have her secrets? But nice end result, though it still creeps me out, considering that the figure looks a bit malevolent, and there are prominent ghouls in the background, and with such a composition, black and red only adds to the effect. That, and the fact that I know the original intent behind the Celtic crosses.

May I post your project? Addressed to Luke, of course.

Mozilla Firefox

Will have to try it, as these IBM lab computers do not give us authorization to install new devices, and unless I'm mistaken, it does not let me use my memory stick. Is there a proper term for those things? Very short post, this will be. I finished my cover letter and my resume the last time we were in here, therefore, I can use the computer with free reign of the Internet!

Well, no. Not really.

Just to verify this, as I am extremely dense and computer-illiterate compared to some people - Explorer, then, is a browser...along with Firefox, and Opera, and whatever else there is out there, right? Explorer is Microsoft's browser.

...

I am quite mistaken. I can use my memory stick on this computer and am waiting for Firefox to load.

It DOES take quite a while. It is loading...right?

Secret Admirer

Or not so secret. I think the whole idea/anology of God romancing us is so strange and incomprehensible to me because for me, relationships lead to sex - tainted, this world - and that's why I can't comprehend it. I know it isn't, but to think on it...

I can sing with a passion, but that's not what I want. I want to sing with a passion for God and I can't do that because I don't think I've given myself to him yet.

Myrddraal

Are you running out of names? Fetches, or the name by which the wolves call them. Which I do not remember.

Yeah...I finished the book but I left it at home this morning...don't you hate it when you totally remember you have to bring something, and you put it down...then you have to leave and you walk RIGHT past it and you forget it? Yup. *nods*

I am not going to go blind! And why on earth would I deserve to? I don't actually shine it in your eyes. Not...intentionally, that is. Besides, I don't try to reflect the laser into MY eye, either. Just everywhere else. It's pretty. :)

Don't be staying up now just to outpost me, Luke. Tsk. Ugh...I didn't go to bed till __ o'clock and I didn't even have that much homework.

Oh, Minesweeper has gotten to be entertaining. For the first time, I figured out how it worked. I hadn't been able to for about seven or so years. Still working on the highest level though.

Was doing lines in gym yesterday and I couldn't focus...it was really weird. Maybe lack of oxygen. Volleyball today - which I am much better at than basketball, though I've never favoured sports at all.

Scattered Lights

We have some glass and crystal figurines in a cabinet in our living room, and some of them are faceted. I turned off the lights and shot a laser at a little crystal chick (the baby chicken) and it looks quite cool. The light shoots off in several dozen directions, considering that the chick is so small, therefore has many faces very close together - I like the effect. Like some little disco ball. Which is, I suppose, more or less the principle behind them. Disco balls, I mean. I'd like a little one. Not with the lights - I want one of those with the mirrors.

I have figured out how to use those ornamental chopsticks; however, I have managed to (sorry, Janelle!) snap one of the chopsticks she gave me.

:(

"Burn Me!"

I've been reading over Mat's shoulder for so long that the word "bloody" has become ingrained in my head - I almost said it twice, tacked before some other word, but it sounds so strange coming out of my mouth.

So the Dragon Reborn has declared himself so, eh?

...I spent five minutes standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, running brush and fingers through my hair. I washed it last night, so it's nice and soft. It feels nice. Yeah, silky, I guess. It's two feet and a bit long, apparently. Janelle measured it in science today - two ruler lengths. Ha ha. It's kind of strange. That's almost 2/5 of my height.

...So, let's make it 3/5! :)

I was "babysitting" (they were in bed) for about half an hour and I turned the TV on to find this top model/Covergirl photoshoot/competition thing. Eight or so girls. Geez, if I ever had such an opportunity, I wouldn't take it. I think there's a lot of hating going on. "She's winning and she doesn't even have to try, oh, THAT girl's not even trying! It's not fair, she's won everything," yada yada yada. And girls can be pretty vindictive, so...yeah. It's pretty sad, that.

Kaeli, you're not so good at hiding. Not even "Anonymous" can help you.

Corrections

Linds, typo. As Hailey pointed out. Hailey? Mistaken identity - Ignis, ignite, fire - Lindsay. Tsk tsk.

Oh, yes - and Lindsay was witness to this - Luke, I left you a message in the IT lab on the board, lower left hand corner. Something about having entered the lair.

Celtic crosses and swastikas.

And I get tired/sleepy, not cranky. I'm cranky when I'm PMSing, but that's about it.

Spelling/Grammar Check!

Just to clear this up once and for all. Because I'm not the only person who's noticed it. And I did say, Luke, that, due to your superior vocabulary skills, I would not hound you for your grammar and spelling. However, this is just...bugging me. *laugh*

Too often you write "to" when you mean "too". There's no way you can't know the difference, seriously...FIX IT!

Of course I wasn't yelling, guys. I *never* yell. Never. *beams innocently*

Which is crap, since I can't pull off puppy dog looks or innocent looks. I'll also have you know puppy dog looks don't work on me.