And The Blade Comes Down...

Fan-bloody-tastic.

Um, yeah. I used that for effect, a starting line which makes it seem as if this post may be humorous, but really, it’s anything but.

As of today, my computer time will be limited, regardless of whether I need to do homework or not. Of course, my mom’s not THAT cruel…*laugh*…if I need to finish my work I get to wake up the next morning to do so. Bright and freaking early.

If you know me, you’ll know I’m a night owl and not a morning person at all.

That, and my mother oh so blithely informed me (no, not really, she was already sounding ticked off that I was “lying” to her when I went onto the computer to “do my homework” and I did more than just that, i.e., multitasked and went on other sites simultaneously) that my father could, even from Australia, yes, even from Australia (gasp!) see and track everything I was doing on the computer, and that they were “respecting my privacy” or wanting to, but that if he saw anything slightly suspicious, he would – and could – go look at it.

Snort.

Hence, I shall have to try to remember not to go on my blog at all while I am at home. Honestly, to tell the truth, my blog wasn’t for my parents’ eyes. (Even though they once said that they couldn’t be sure what I was writing on my blog and that for all they knew I could be doing “bad stuff”. I don’t know how “bad” they meant by that, but…*shrug*) Unless what I say is of really little consequence, i.e., my usual randomness.

To be honest, I know that they aren’t overreacting…too terribly much, but I’m, yeah. Pretty ticked off already. Granted, they have a point – sometimes I even skip my hour (it’s supposed to be an hour and a half) of piano practice and I have no other activities, and yet my regular bedtime is still – well, it’s around twelve to one o’clock. I’ve been going on…what, five, six, seven hours of sleep for the majority of what amount of school days we’ve had this year? And really, I feel fine. If it weren’t enough, I would know – I know I cannot function properly if I lack sleep, and I’ve been doing fine. And this has been for longer than a month, for sure. If I were running on reserves, I would have run out by now, but…I’m fine. That is, I feel fine. I probably need a whole lot more sleep than what I’m getting, but…*shrug*

*dramatic waving of hands* And now let us plunge from this level of anger to one of moodiness, plain and simple. Or not so simple.

I seriously need to get a life, I think. Conformity is a necessity. If it weren’t for my listening to the Beat 94.5 and Z 95.3, I would have no idea of what people at school would be talking about when they mention singers or songs. (By the way, the parental unit also disapproves of my listening to said stations.) It took Extreme Praise on Praise 106.5 to bring to my attention the numbers of Christian artists out there who wrote songs a little more suited to a lot of teens’ tastes.

I can probably count all the movies I’ve watched on two hands and that’s it. This is excluding Disney movies…even though I’ve watched an extremely small amount of those, too, in comparison to the vast amount of Disney movies there are out there. I mean classics such as “Pocahontas”, “The Fox and the Hound”, “The Aristocats”, etc. Movies like “A Walk To Remember”, something that seems to be one a LOT of people have seen (girls, I mean, considering that it’s a chick flick) – I’ve never seen it and people gape at me in shock. “You’ve never seen it?!? What’s wrong with you???" Or LOTR. Only the first disc of “The Fellowship of the Ring”, and that was courtesy of Janelle.

Apparently, the problem with LOTR two or so years earlier was that they were (the PU) afraid that I couldn’t handle it. All the violent scenes and whatnot. They were afraid it would scare me.

…

I know virtually nothing about sports, and if you asked me, I’d say I couldn’t care less. Football, hockey…pfft. Really. Woohoo. Amazing amount of team spirit here, wouldn’t you say. Yes, there is no question mark as the “question” is heavily laden with sarcasm and therefore meant to fall flat without the inflection to mark it as a real question. Apparently, Microsoft Word doesn’t seem to deem it a question, as there is no green squiggly line to indicate that I’ve made a grammatical error. *rolls eyes*

I don’t go out/get out much. As in, trips to go shopping (MCC really doesn’t count), or to go to movies with friends, or to just go out with friends, or to go over to friends’. The birthday parties I’ve gotten invites to exceptions, and the only person I’ve ever done that with, I think, is Janelle. I don’t invite people over. Social interaction consists of conversing at school, then numerous emails, the majority of which I read and never reply to anymore. Notice, guys, that you’ve received very few from moi lately?

And yes. Excessive use of the computer considering that I don’t actually do anything interesting on it (I don’t know, such as keeping a website, actually continually writing stories, hacking into things/gaming [Vasya, Luke], whatever). I use my laptop to listen to music because I don’t have some little sound system and I’ve killed, somehow, two MP3s by wrecking the earphone jack port thingy. Also my mom hates it when I plug my ears up (which I do sometimes on purpose because people are yelling and screaming?) because then I can’t hear her (sorta the point?), so I unplug the headphones and let the sound issue from the speakers. I’m sure I’ll blow the speakers at some point (even though it’s not really THAT loud compared to what it could be). And because I doubt that this is the function of the laptop’s speakers (as a sound system), the sound goes all tinny on loud/high parts. Expected, and a small price to pay, I guess. *rolls eyes*

Oy. I have fingernail marks on my cheek because I dig my nails in a little bit when my mother is scolding me. I don’t think that’s healthy. Am I trying to hold something in? I feel more numb than angry, actually.

Right…yeah, I’m writing all this at 12:22 AM, December 1, but of course I’m not gonna be posting it now. Hn.

I like Christmas at school, but right now – and most of the time – yeah. This is wrong. I shouldn’t be dreading Christmas, but I am. *exhales*

*glances over typing* Curious, all this, really. That time is over for another month, thank goodness, but this leads to another dilemma – what is the cause of this funky mood swing?

It may be due to the fact that I am none too pleased with our Socials project. I hate history. Loathe it. To think that I will have to do it for piano theory, too, because I’m not allowed to quit piano until I get grade ten done and all the freaking theory that goes with it. What’s the point? I’m not going into music or anything. People tell me I’m good, but I’m not that good. I just practice songs enough times to get them down well, and that’s about the gist of it. Maybe my form isn’t half bad, but usually people who compliment me may not actually play the piano, so they don’t notice said form or anything of the like.

It’s very strange. I get conflicting thoughts about the Christmas banquet, such as “Okay, I have a stupid outfit,” and “Oh, I can’t wait, it’s going to be so cool!” and “I really don’t know why I even bought a ticket,” and “I’m going to feel really dumb there and just end up standing around again.”

Hm. Why do the negative thoughts outnumber the positive ones – one – three to one? Is that telling me something? *dry voice* Hm indeed. Thinkthink. Thinkthink. But yeah. I am going, so don’t plague me with comments such as, “How could you think that, Stephie? It’ll be fun!”

How could you think that, Stephie, it’ll be fun!

Whatever. It’s 12:33 now – wait, wait. My computer clock is off. The real time is actually seven to eight minutes more than what I’ve been saying – so it’s 12:41 AM now. Guess I should go to bed or something…yeah. Whatever.

Ya know, I’m actually sorta waiting to see how long it’ll take for the parentals to catch me doing something that will result in their confiscating of my laptop. Maybe they’ll see me playing Minesweeper, or Solitaire, or Hearts with computer people that I’ve named after characters in my stories, or Freecell, which I’m working through starting from #1 and working up progressively (I’m currently at #113). So THIS is why I don’t get my homework done.

Huh, I thought I was going to go now.

I’ve been listening to this song – “Classical Songs Symphony of Carols”, something for Christmas, Christmas songs and all that, and there’s this “Christmas Reminiscence” that I found really pretty (and it sounds like the title, too), but now it’s just making me depressed. It sounds like a soundtrack from some movie or something. Yeah.

Um. Yeah. I really should stop now.