Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Merry Christmas! Or Boxing Day, If You Prefer...

I know I said I wouldn't blog from home, but this was getting ridiculous, and there's nothing that can't really be read, here, anyways.

Apparently, my aunt reads my blog. O.o...

We are playing Super Scrabble and it is 1:37 and we are all tired, but we are nearly done. I am winning by at least fifty, possibly even seventy-five points because I keep taking the triple-word scores with letters like Z (10 points), J (8 points), or X (8 points). Got a quadruple-word score with MATTE. Mm...nice. But I feel guilty. Ha ha.

Oh. Yeah. Merry Christmas to everyone. :)

Got a new mp3 player. Yay! Now I can listen to music.

I have a headache, and I think (it's mild) it's due partially to listening to music through earbuds (techno-ish music, mind you) and due partly to it being 1:40 in the morning. :)

Am waiting my turn.

I am so winning. I could be winning by more except for that whole guilty factor.

Watched "Cars" again, this time the English version. Much preferred to the Cantonese-dubbed version watched in Hong Kong. Because I'm not actually fluent in two languages; I can't read or write or even properly speak Chinese, so English is technically my first and only language. Not mother tongue, but first language.

I am tired...

The bag of two hundred tiles is empty. Thank goodness. But my brother is unable to calculate the scores properly.

"7 Years and 50 Days" off a DDR file.

Seven years and fifty days
The time is passing by
Nothing in this world could be
As nice as you and I
And how could we break up like this
And how could we be wrong
So many years, so many days
And I still sing my song

Now I run to you like I always do
When I close my eyes I think of you
Such a lonely girl
Such a lonely world
When I close my eyes I dream

Now I run to you like I always do
When I close my eyes I think of you
Such a lonely girl
Such a lonely world
When I close my eyes I dream of you

Hm. This could be somewhat relevant.

I am having far too much luck on Scrabble. My mother spelled ZIG and got 13 points...I branched off her Z and spelled ZIG and got twice as many as she did.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Monkey

Necklaces, rings, earrings, and hair are all things I fiddle with sometimes when I have nothing better to do in class. The two little braids on the left side of my head serve such purpose. And I am so festive! The wire securing the braids are red and green. Very nice, but subtle enough that they aren’t easily seen. (That, or my hair is just too freaking thick.)

I’m all weird and nervous about the Christmas banquet. :) It’s this Friday! How time flies…

I’ve stared at the word “necklace” long enough to think it looks like it’s spelt wrong again. Look at a word repeated enough times or write it repeatedly and it’ll look like it’s spelt wrong or something. It’s supposed to be spelt right, but it just doesn’t look right…at least, that’s what I get.

monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey

It looks weird, now.


Ugh...leadership has to go help set up for ze Christmas banquet from 5:30 to 12 AM. What fun. So they're condoning staying up to midnight. And past. On the night before the Christmas banquet.

Lindsay wants to know why I typed monkey over and over again. I shall post this now so she can read it.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

I'm Back...For A Little While

Wow…it feels like I haven’t blogged in forever? Hm.

Ooh…Thursday, my youth group got together to pack and decorate cookies for a World Vision fundraiser, and we got together at church on Sunday to sell them. We raised around $700 or so…not bad. Karla said she’d listed the goal as $1000 but knew she had been overambitious, and had actually expected about $500…but we went above that. Very nice. :)

A couple of us went up on the stage to announce the cookie sale…I didn’t say anything, but went up as a sort of support. Today Mrs. Peters said she saw me…and Luke saw me (he was actually on the cameras…or one of them), and apparently my dad missed me…I saw Kiersten up on the stage as one of the camel-thing puppets that they did part of the announcements with.

I should go out and buy a box of candy canes and come back and hand them out to you guys. Hee hee. I suddenly have a visual of Kiwi taking two candy canes and holding them to her head as if they were antlers. And now that I’ve thought of it, I think, it’s actually very like her…*laugh*. How have candy-gram sales been, Linds?

Oh, and thanks for filling out my planning sheet thing for me…wow…your results were a whole lot different than mine.

Hm, my wrist hurts. Could be due to overly excessive typing…or not…*shrugs* I know my back does hurt due to this position.

I have been listening to nothing but techno and the such this past week. Wait, wait – that’s not true, actually. I listened to a deal of Linkin Park last night or Sunday night or something like that…I forget. Ah, well.

My leg has gone numb…

It was actually really nice outside today. I mean, it was windy and all, but it wasn’t cold or anything, and the wind was nice. The sky was actually blue, I think…very nice. Just so there are no power outages resulting in no school.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Diagnostics

Wednesday night:

Wow…I honestly feel like there’s something wrong with me these few days. I’m not actually looking for pity or anything…no one likes too much pity…though thank you for all your concerns…it’s nice to know you’re cared about…(though I still don’t love you, Kiwi! Hee hee.) But this is just me voicing my thoughts out and trying to see if I can pinpoint the problem.

No more stupid crying feelings, thank goodness. Some…things…alleviated that. Thirty hair elastics, some hairpins, a balloon, along with a few other miscellaneous items…*chuckle*

But the curious thing is that today at lunch, I was sort of hungry, but I had absolutely no appetite and so I didn’t eat my lunch at all. Suppertime was something of the same, though I wasn’t hungry at all…and I ate about half of a (tough) steak and two spoonfuls of vegetables before I was like, this is ridiculous; I’m not at all hungry. I was let off and now I’m procrastinating again. I almost can’t help it…I know there’s actually a lot of things needing to be done, some of which if I put off will only pile up later in an overwhelming wave…but, yes.

Kiwi with her hair up is quite the rare occurrence, and ditto with Elmo except with her hair down.

Any of you four of the five elements (where on EARTH is Letter Tag? I wasn’t listening at lunch) like/can bear techno? Yes…this is random, as I tend to be.

My stupid stupid Socials speech. It’s written so ridiculously formal and with such vocabulary that half of the class will have no clue what I’m saying, and the other half will be, “Why on earth are you speaking like this?” with a potential muttering of, “Showoff.” Seriously. But I have no idea how else to write it. I would be giving myself strange looks, too, if I had to listen to the speech I was writing. It’s just…yeah.

New favourite song for the being: “Hold Me Close Tonight”. Except I shan’t post lyrics because I’m really not completely sure of them. Yet.

I know SOMEONE is going to berate me for procrastinating. (Seriously. What normal fifteen-year-old talks like this? “Berate”? But…not much that I can do about it…it’s well blended into my way of speech. Along with, I realize, the word “like”. Not used quite in the way the stereotypical blonde ditz does, but still, I find it’s actually very hard for me to carry on a conversation without using “like”. It just slips in, unconsciously.)

“When I Close My Eyes” isn’t bad, either…but it’s sort of one of two…the last one doesn’t have words, I think.

It was cold tonight
Had no one to hold onto
Then you came along
You pulled me through
Darkness fades away
And I feel no pain
The sun will shine again

Anyways.

Yell at me for being a horrible person and not doing my theory, which is due on Saturday. I am quite screwed. So I think I will stop writing this and go do my homework! *groan* Planning, and Socials, and Science, and PE. Arg…

I am going to get sick of these songs soon – it’s all I’ve been listening to for two days! Hm…

Ja, ja. Going now.

Back after practicing piano, finishing speech, come to work on Science and Phys. Ed. Hm…

The butterfly my cousin made for me just fell off my bunk bed again and made me jump. I swear, one day that thing’ll give me a heart attack. Why can’t it just stay suctioned there?

Thursday morning:

I woke up with the headache still, which is weird since usually sleep does away with them. Not in this case. I’d measure my temperature but I don’t want someone to catch me with the thermometer and go, “You have a fever?” and make a big fuss out of it. I don’t think I have a fever. I hope not.

*groan* It’s that stupid speech thing today…

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Nobody's Listening

Monday night:

I’m pretty darn sure I’m going to give myself a headache. I mean, blaring Linkin Park into your ears can’t really be all that good, can it? *cough*

*glares at computer screen* It isn’t nearly loud enough.

I can’t concentrate at all. I just feel like slacking off…and slacking off…and slacking off, but that won’t happen now, will it? Science homework, Planning test, PE homework, Socials speech, a crapload of Theory, piano practicing, and Mr. Girard is making us do devotionals. Sorry, but his class is just rivaling Mr. Matwichuck’s class last year, and that’s not a good thing. Furthermore, I think I’m pissed off about my Leadership mark. Even though it was due, apparently, to my own self-evalution. And I completely forgot about a Planning worksheet (albeit a small one) that was due today, so I had to hand it in half-completed. I wasn’t too pleased with that.

Hm. I suddenly get the feeling of wanting to shove everything I want to take into a backpack and just getting up and walking away. So is this stress? Once in a while I try to psychoanalyze things…it doesn’t always work, really.
I swear, my piano is getting worse and worse. I play songs I’ve been playing for over three months and suddenly I’m hitting all the wrong notes and stuff…my room is a mess…

Very strange. I have a question of, “Why?” Just “Why?” in general, encompassing everything.

I have this feeling that if I posted some of my angrier ravings, I would frighten most of you. I just went back and read them and I frightened myself. I swear, at some points then I must have been just slightly mentally unstable. *crooked smile* But I think I’m okay now. Sort of.

There is a curious sensation behind my eyes and an ache in my chest. I think I’m about to cry. I’m going about this in a strangely detached manner, but today really wasn’t the best of days. It would have downright sucked were it not for a few highlights such as band, etc… The want to cry started about five minutes ago with a comment and it hasn’t gone away yet. Ate half a slice of cheesecake and am now making myself finish it – I want to throw it up. This is strange. Usually, after a little while, this crying feeling goes away, especially if I’ve returned to my room, alone, but I guess maybe dwelling on it would be the cause of its not going away.

Oh, this is getting ridiculous. It’s, like, fifteen minutes after and that stupid ache in the chest is still there. *shakes head wonderingly* Just wondering, being curious, what are the chances of me suddenly having some sort of weird random mental breakdown?

Since I have no clue what on earth is wrong with me, I’ll accredit it to stress. And since I have no idea what I’m going to be feeling like for the next little while, I think I’ll apologize/warn you beforehand that I might be testy or wanting to do some avoiding. So, *smirk*, Kiwi-Kaewi, I won’t be dead. Someone else will need to smack people for me, so go right ahead, K, I’ve given you permission. (Still don’t love ya, though. :P) Or I’ll be off discussing things with Luke. Laptops and documents and games, and falling and stairs, or something.

Vasya owes me that techno CD! I gave his gloves back.

I STILL feel like I want to cry! Wow. Something has got to be wrong. I don’t usually randomly feel like this. Wait – didn’t I just contradict myself…? “Usually randomly”…

That last bite of cheesecake was disgustingly hard to swallow.

I’m starting to worry myself. It’s nearing, I’d guess, about half an hour now.

Ooh…

Tried to give you warning
But everyone ignores me
Told you everything loud and clear
But nobody’s listening…

Heart full of pain
Head full of stress
Handful of anger
Held in my chest
Uphill struggle
Blood, sweat, and tears
Nothing to gain
Everything to fear…

Very cool. I’m not accusing you people of not listening, don’t worry. This song sounds cool. Therefore, I am titling the post after it. “Nobody’s Listening”, by Linkin Park. It was just the “Head full of stress” and “Handful of anger held in my chest” parts that were cool.

Wow. I’ve used the word “cool” for about the fourth time in three days. I don’t like using that word unless as referring to temperature or something. Usually.

Who-oops, “Numb” isn’t a good song for right now.

BUT…I think I’m going to listen to it anyways.

My brother keeps crying. He should stop crying.

I am thinking almost perfectly calmly, but I still feel like I want to cry, and I’m actually staring straight ahead for no reason at all. I’m not even looking at the keyboard while I type this.

He’s crying right outside my bedroom door and it’s really annoying. I don’t want to crank the music up any higher cuz it might wreck my ears.

I feel kinda out of it.

Okay. Crying feeling gone after about some hour lapse. I still get the impression that “Breaking The Habit” was primarily about cutting.

sleepy_kitty_is_to_be_declawed

: Yeah, random.

Well, mom made me trim my nails. And so I did…but I accidentally cut one to the quick, so I did the same with all the rest, then realized just how retarded that looked. But too late. Like my hair, it’s a bit late…

Much Procrastination

For Sunday night:

Oh screw it! I have the stupid Socials speech due on Thursday and I got NOTHING done over the weekend, no Harmony, no studying for Planning either – I didn’t even work on my PE worksheet and I’m only hoping it’s due Friday. Wow. SUCH a productive weekend. Cruuuud. I’ve been procrastinating again. That and I've been reading. Anyone taking human biology and knows all the muscles and can tell me? Dave wasn’t particularly very helpful.

7. What muscles are known to be in your center of gravity? (Note “center”, not “centre” – not Canadian spelling.) - the good ones

8. What is the muscle commonly known as shoulder? - the right épaule

Love, Dave

SO…the right shoulder as opposed to the left one? Or the wrong one?

*hisses* There, are a number of short, raised welts on my hand, and they ITCH! And they sting when it gets wet. And I got home last night and looked in a mirror and my cheek was still red, and it still smarted if I touched it. Yes, Vasya, this is war, and you have only won the battle…mwahahahahaaa. And I have your gloves. And you owe me the CD.

He hit me in the face with a hard snowball!

The bus trip home was…interesting, to say the least.

I am to go practice my piano now. It is actually Sunday night, from this section on. No blogging from home, si? Si.

I need to visit the dollar store for glowsticks, a laser pointer, black hair elastics, black hair clips, and tea lights. No – wait, I still have a couple of those hanging around. Flames and candles are so cool.

I’m a bit shocked at my current frame of mind, of wanting to “accidentally” drop my Theory book out the window of the car on the highway. It just – arggg!

I’ve been typing up a list of songs…for random reasons…or not so random…

Wow, what happened to being organized? I cannot think. I’m sure there was something I wanted to say, but I’m not sure what…

Luke lent me his Archos 604 Wi-Fi (I wrote this completely from memory – did I remember it correctly?) on the bus trip to UBC and gave me a little (or not so little – the thing was two or so hours in its entirety) movie thing to watch, one which I watched half of and emerged somewhat scandalized and a bit traumatized. He hadn’t seen it yet, and I was to review it for him…in the future, he’s checking those vids first before he shows them to me!

I am drinking tea from a clean plastic Pepsi bottle, and the tea smells like canned ice tea but tastes normal. My guess is that the lemony smell is due to the fact that the bottle had previously held Pepsi in it, which I believe has a bit of a lemon twist. I don’t know; I threw out the label. In any case, I must be typing too hard because the tea inside the bottle is randomly rippling.

How in the world does one roll their Rs, and why can I not do it? I had the same problem in French last year and I had to fake it. This, as it so happens, came up on the bus trip home, when some feline decided to purr. Luke informed me that to make a purring sound, it would be like softening the rolling of an R…and I cannot roll my Rs. It irks me to no end. (There now, Kaeli, normal people would most likely not say “irk”, either!)

Oh, yes! At the UBC versus UVIC game, there were a couple of guys – older, twenties or so, and a few of them had been drinking (and continued to throughout the game). Apparently, beer was sold there, the Canadian brand or whatever, the one with, I think, the maple leaf on it or something. Anyways, there was one guy who was REALLY off it and was kinda just making comments to the band at first, such as, “Xylophones? Xylophones? I played those in grade four!” and the like. Later on he was like, “Sorry, thought you guys were from UVIC,” a legitimate excuse since the team’s colours and our band uniforms were both dark blue and yellow. He also said he wished we were in uni so he could hassle us. I was like, “Just how drunk are you?” One of the guys on the UVIC team, Ellis, he kept yelling at, just mocking him throughout the whole game. “Ellis, you’re a redhead, you still haven’t accepted it,” and, “Ellis, you’re a man and you have streaked blond hair!”. Just mocking him in that manner. It would’ve been funny had I not felt so bad for the player. I mean, that drunk guy may have been for UBC, but I sort of doubt it…he dissed UBC players too, so…what with having been reading WoT, I was thinking, wouldn’t it be cool if I could just gag him with Air? That would’ve been fun. Seriously. Once he yelled something all the way across the stadium and got ticked off, and was really ticked off, and yelled, “Shut the f--- up!” or something to that extent, and splashed half a cup of beer all over the place. I was thinking, “Dude, you’d better not be driving tonight.”

My initial reaction towards those guys was one of disdain, and had at first decided that may have been why MEI was seen as so aloof and all that, so I tried to soften my attitude towards them, but in the end? Hmph. I wasn’t really ticked, actually, just…well, yeah. Disdainful. Anyways, this all sounded better in my head, but it’s twelve again, so I should go. :)

Friday, December 01, 2006

SS 10, Linear Course

The librarians are none too pleased to find people gaming on the library computers, though I really don’t know why, as I don’t see a problem with gaming or doing game-related things on these computers. Obviously, we wouldn’t want gory graphics and whatnot, but it wasn’t as if anyone needed to use the computer, and I doubt games would do anything like screw up or slow down the system, so…what’s the point? I can see why so many people hate the librarian…they hated Ms. Munroe, too. It’s strange, kind of. I don’t get very many such experiences like getting kicked out…(though, Vasya, I doubt saying “Screw you” in response was such a good idea…) but, yeah.

Heh. I hope Luke’s stuff works.

I should go check it on Wikipedia…Red Alert…but I am supposed to be doing Socials right now (the stupid assignment!) and I am supposed to come up with a stupid metaphor by the end of the class to tell Mr. Dick. Hopefully, my somewhat vast vocab will make up for whatever effort I don’t put into this speech. Blech.

Vasya doesn’t like me because he keeps forgetting to burn a CD for me. Hmph, it’s not my fault. But then again it sort of is, because I emailed him a reminder the first day but not the second day. Therefore, I am sending him this post. Partially as the reminder and partially because I mentioned him several times in here.

Stupid. Whatever. I can just come up with something lame and properly think it over again later and tell Mr. Dick I changed my mind.

Planning wasn’t a very fun class.

Phys. Ed was half decent.

Socials – blurg.

Science…? I have a meiosis quiz coming up and I didn’t study enough and I need to get my grade back up.

I feel like I’m obsessing over my grade the way an anorexic person might think about food – oh I ate too much so I must must must not eat anything for the next week! A sort of over-obsession, as I got a 85.7 or some mark on my science test and I’m going, “Oh, I barely broke 86%, crap I need to raise my mark!”

Socials isn’t going so well either, though I think I’m safe to fall a little since the last time I checked I was still in the 90s. But it’d better stay that way.

I think I will stop now…I really ought to work on my speech thing. I hope I can not procrastinate on this project as I so often do; it would be torture to write this all on Wednesday the night before it was due. Not to mention we have to say it, too.

I’m pissed off again. I cannot go to the band gig December 9 because of piano, and my little cousin’s birthday thing. I mean, it’s nothing against her but I hate how I have to miss band. I know it shouldn’t be – friends shouldn’t be – more important than family, but…and piano, AGAIN! I hate it.

To follow up on what I blurted out on the keyboard yester-night, my mother also said that in lieu of all my not using the computer properly and going to bed so late, there was no way I’d be taking Animation as well as Band next year.

Well, honestly? Screw that.

I’ll take IT regardless, next year, I think, as well as band even though all the seniors will be gone, but the current grade elevens will still be there. And then the grade nines will be in concert band. :)

And The Blade Comes Down...

Fan-bloody-tastic.

Um, yeah. I used that for effect, a starting line which makes it seem as if this post may be humorous, but really, it’s anything but.

As of today, my computer time will be limited, regardless of whether I need to do homework or not. Of course, my mom’s not THAT cruel…*laugh*…if I need to finish my work I get to wake up the next morning to do so. Bright and freaking early.

If you know me, you’ll know I’m a night owl and not a morning person at all.

That, and my mother oh so blithely informed me (no, not really, she was already sounding ticked off that I was “lying” to her when I went onto the computer to “do my homework” and I did more than just that, i.e., multitasked and went on other sites simultaneously) that my father could, even from Australia, yes, even from Australia (gasp!) see and track everything I was doing on the computer, and that they were “respecting my privacy” or wanting to, but that if he saw anything slightly suspicious, he would – and could – go look at it.

Snort.

Hence, I shall have to try to remember not to go on my blog at all while I am at home. Honestly, to tell the truth, my blog wasn’t for my parents’ eyes. (Even though they once said that they couldn’t be sure what I was writing on my blog and that for all they knew I could be doing “bad stuff”. I don’t know how “bad” they meant by that, but…*shrug*) Unless what I say is of really little consequence, i.e., my usual randomness.

To be honest, I know that they aren’t overreacting…too terribly much, but I’m, yeah. Pretty ticked off already. Granted, they have a point – sometimes I even skip my hour (it’s supposed to be an hour and a half) of piano practice and I have no other activities, and yet my regular bedtime is still – well, it’s around twelve to one o’clock. I’ve been going on…what, five, six, seven hours of sleep for the majority of what amount of school days we’ve had this year? And really, I feel fine. If it weren’t enough, I would know – I know I cannot function properly if I lack sleep, and I’ve been doing fine. And this has been for longer than a month, for sure. If I were running on reserves, I would have run out by now, but…I’m fine. That is, I feel fine. I probably need a whole lot more sleep than what I’m getting, but…*shrug*

*dramatic waving of hands* And now let us plunge from this level of anger to one of moodiness, plain and simple. Or not so simple.

I seriously need to get a life, I think. Conformity is a necessity. If it weren’t for my listening to the Beat 94.5 and Z 95.3, I would have no idea of what people at school would be talking about when they mention singers or songs. (By the way, the parental unit also disapproves of my listening to said stations.) It took Extreme Praise on Praise 106.5 to bring to my attention the numbers of Christian artists out there who wrote songs a little more suited to a lot of teens’ tastes.

I can probably count all the movies I’ve watched on two hands and that’s it. This is excluding Disney movies…even though I’ve watched an extremely small amount of those, too, in comparison to the vast amount of Disney movies there are out there. I mean classics such as “Pocahontas”, “The Fox and the Hound”, “The Aristocats”, etc. Movies like “A Walk To Remember”, something that seems to be one a LOT of people have seen (girls, I mean, considering that it’s a chick flick) – I’ve never seen it and people gape at me in shock. “You’ve never seen it?!? What’s wrong with you???" Or LOTR. Only the first disc of “The Fellowship of the Ring”, and that was courtesy of Janelle.

Apparently, the problem with LOTR two or so years earlier was that they were (the PU) afraid that I couldn’t handle it. All the violent scenes and whatnot. They were afraid it would scare me.



I know virtually nothing about sports, and if you asked me, I’d say I couldn’t care less. Football, hockey…pfft. Really. Woohoo. Amazing amount of team spirit here, wouldn’t you say. Yes, there is no question mark as the “question” is heavily laden with sarcasm and therefore meant to fall flat without the inflection to mark it as a real question. Apparently, Microsoft Word doesn’t seem to deem it a question, as there is no green squiggly line to indicate that I’ve made a grammatical error. *rolls eyes*

I don’t go out/get out much. As in, trips to go shopping (MCC really doesn’t count), or to go to movies with friends, or to just go out with friends, or to go over to friends’. The birthday parties I’ve gotten invites to exceptions, and the only person I’ve ever done that with, I think, is Janelle. I don’t invite people over. Social interaction consists of conversing at school, then numerous emails, the majority of which I read and never reply to anymore. Notice, guys, that you’ve received very few from moi lately?

And yes. Excessive use of the computer considering that I don’t actually do anything interesting on it (I don’t know, such as keeping a website, actually continually writing stories, hacking into things/gaming [Vasya, Luke], whatever). I use my laptop to listen to music because I don’t have some little sound system and I’ve killed, somehow, two MP3s by wrecking the earphone jack port thingy. Also my mom hates it when I plug my ears up (which I do sometimes on purpose because people are yelling and screaming?) because then I can’t hear her (sorta the point?), so I unplug the headphones and let the sound issue from the speakers. I’m sure I’ll blow the speakers at some point (even though it’s not really THAT loud compared to what it could be). And because I doubt that this is the function of the laptop’s speakers (as a sound system), the sound goes all tinny on loud/high parts. Expected, and a small price to pay, I guess. *rolls eyes*

Oy. I have fingernail marks on my cheek because I dig my nails in a little bit when my mother is scolding me. I don’t think that’s healthy. Am I trying to hold something in? I feel more numb than angry, actually.

Right…yeah, I’m writing all this at 12:22 AM, December 1, but of course I’m not gonna be posting it now. Hn.

I like Christmas at school, but right now – and most of the time – yeah. This is wrong. I shouldn’t be dreading Christmas, but I am. *exhales*

*glances over typing* Curious, all this, really. That time is over for another month, thank goodness, but this leads to another dilemma – what is the cause of this funky mood swing?

It may be due to the fact that I am none too pleased with our Socials project. I hate history. Loathe it. To think that I will have to do it for piano theory, too, because I’m not allowed to quit piano until I get grade ten done and all the freaking theory that goes with it. What’s the point? I’m not going into music or anything. People tell me I’m good, but I’m not that good. I just practice songs enough times to get them down well, and that’s about the gist of it. Maybe my form isn’t half bad, but usually people who compliment me may not actually play the piano, so they don’t notice said form or anything of the like.

It’s very strange. I get conflicting thoughts about the Christmas banquet, such as “Okay, I have a stupid outfit,” and “Oh, I can’t wait, it’s going to be so cool!” and “I really don’t know why I even bought a ticket,” and “I’m going to feel really dumb there and just end up standing around again.”

Hm. Why do the negative thoughts outnumber the positive ones – one – three to one? Is that telling me something? *dry voice* Hm indeed. Thinkthink. Thinkthink. But yeah. I am going, so don’t plague me with comments such as, “How could you think that, Stephie? It’ll be fun!”

How could you think that, Stephie, it’ll be fun!

Whatever. It’s 12:33 now – wait, wait. My computer clock is off. The real time is actually seven to eight minutes more than what I’ve been saying – so it’s 12:41 AM now. Guess I should go to bed or something…yeah. Whatever.

Ya know, I’m actually sorta waiting to see how long it’ll take for the parentals to catch me doing something that will result in their confiscating of my laptop. Maybe they’ll see me playing Minesweeper, or Solitaire, or Hearts with computer people that I’ve named after characters in my stories, or Freecell, which I’m working through starting from #1 and working up progressively (I’m currently at #113). So THIS is why I don’t get my homework done.

Huh, I thought I was going to go now.

I’ve been listening to this song – “Classical Songs Symphony of Carols”, something for Christmas, Christmas songs and all that, and there’s this “Christmas Reminiscence” that I found really pretty (and it sounds like the title, too), but now it’s just making me depressed. It sounds like a soundtrack from some movie or something. Yeah.

Um. Yeah. I really should stop now.